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Political & Personal

November 13, 2007

There is this question I ask myself more and more. Who do I write for, and what do I get in return? I’m not talking money, I’m talking about reciprocity. I write stuff to help people have better gaming, but when I want to talk about things that make gaming wack for me, I get shut down.

The question is perhaps better based in this- is it more valuable for me to write and be a community presence as an anti-racist, anti-sexist, anti-heterosexist gamer, or by writing about gaming and helping a culture and community that has repeatedly shown zero interest in change, am I simply participating in my own oppression and that of others?

“It’s just a game” is all the more reason we shouldn’t be afraid to apply critical thought. “It’s just a game” is all the more reason it shouldn’t be hard to remove bullshit like blackface, cultural appropriation, sexism, etc.

I don’t know. I feel like I can’t even escape bullshit in my escapism, and that’s the wackest thing ever.

I don’t like knowing that blackface is public thing at conventions. I don’t like knowing that I could pick up a book and be assaulted by racist imagery. I don’t like knowing that some people get power kicks from visualizing rape and applying that to others as some mind game.

I don’t like knowing that some people think all of that is fun and justify it being “in good fun”.

And I especially don’t like knowing that there’s a mob who will defend it all as if it were the normal way of the world and that anyone pointing it out might make them uncomfortable, nevermind anyone else who might be made a thousand times more uncomfortable by the raw fucked up factor of the behavior itself.

And I especially don’t like feeling ashamed of my hobby, not for geekiness, but for shit like that.

There’s a lot of times when I ask myself if I should ever post anything again, to help people like that. To be clear- it’s not just that we have asshats, it’s that I’ve watched over and over again where 99% of everyone else will step up to DEFEND the asshat behavior, which makes me wonder again who I’m helping and why.

I suppose you all are lucky. I still haven’t found an answer, and though it means a lot of stuff I might write never gets written, you at least still get some stuff to read.

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